You know how when you’re a kid, you have these growth spurts? All of a sudden, you’re two inches taller. Out of no where. And maybe, just maybe, you’re suddenly just as tall as your two-and-a-half-year-older brother. And there’s a picture to prove it. But he still to this day denies you were anywhere close to his height! Because that wouldn’t be cool. Not at all!
I think I’m going through a growth spurt right now. Not the physical kind – thank goodness I won’t be growing again in my lifetime! But the emotional kind. The kind where you know things need to change and you might just feel your blood “boiling” from time to time because you know things just aren’t right. Yep, I’m totally going through that right now.
And every time I go through one of these, I want to write about it, but I don’t because I’m scared. But, I’m finally finding the courage to write about it this time. Maybe no one will read it or no one will care, but I think it will add to the growth I’m going through right now and that’s good enough for me!
I think this one started with my Christmas randomness post. I started looking around my house at the things I wanted to change and what just didn’t fit anymore. Since I started blogging and painting furniture, I’ve kind of become a hoarder. I can’t seem to get rid of stuff. It’s always that “well, maybe I’ll use it someday” mentality. But these things are starting to weigh me down. They don’t make me feel good anymore. So what’s the point of having them in my life? I’m seeing them in a new light and really trying to weed out the “stuff” that either doesn’t mean anything to me anymore or just does not fit in my house. Just because I love it, doesn’t mean it works in my house. I need to constantly remind myself of that. It’s not about the stuff. It’s about enjoying and being comfortable in my home.
Another way I’m growing lately is being more courageous and taking better care of myself – doing what’s right for me, even if it’s not popular. No, that doesn’t mean I’m being selfish – not in a bad way, anyway. As my mom likes to say “No one will take care of yourself, but you.” You need to take care of yourself because no one else is going to. The courageous part comes in because it’s so hard for me to take care of myself. I’m scared that I’ll look selfish or that people will think I’m a jerk because I’m not saying yes to everything. But I need to remember another quote when I start thinking that way and that’s that “you can’t control others’ reactions to your actions, you can only control your own actions”. (Possibly another quote from my mom, I can’t remember!) If I say no to something or decide something’s just not right for me and someone isn’t happy with that, I can’t dwell on the fact that they’re unhappy about it. If I feel like I’ve truly done the right thing, I need to accept that and move on. It’s not fair to myself to obsess about it. It’s a waste of time!
Finally, I’m also focusing on improving my health in the New Year. Not because it’s the New Year, it just kind of worked out that way. I’m not sure I really want to get into the whole thing right now, but I’ve struggled with food my whole life. I’ve finally gotten to the point that I understand I may have a food addiction. I’m not obese or even severely overweight, so it may not look like I have a food addiction. And, honestly, I feel really weird calling it that because it makes it sound really severe, but the way food makes me feel definitely feels like an addiction. After reading my friend Marian’s post the other day about some books she’s reading, it got me thinking about my own struggle with food. We started talking and I’m now reading the book she suggested – “Made to Crave” – and I can already tell it was made for me! I truly hope this time I can actually get control of the power that food has over me. I know I don’t want to live this way anymore, that’s for sure. I’m just tired of it. But I’m scared at the same time since this has been a life long struggle for me. I’m scared I’ll fail again. For the millionth time. But I need to trust that God will give me the strength I need to get through this (another word of wisdom from my mom – she’s pretty awesome!!).
Obviously I have a lot on my mind lately. And I’ve been doing a lot of praying. I really hope I’m able to make some lifelong changes during this time.
Are you feeling a growth spurt coming in your own life lately? Maybe it is this time of year and I just didn’t realize it. Either way, I’m ready for a better, healthier life!
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