I’ve written about 5 posts now, not being able to finish any of them. My thoughts are all over the place these last couple weeks. I want to share all these things with you, but when I go to write them down, nothing makes sense. I swear I go through this about 4 times a year. When I get all weird and get into a hyper-emotional state. I think way too hard about relationships, my appearance, random things that are going on with our lives at the time, and our home.
When I’m like this, it drives my husband batty! I say I want to redesign all of the rooms in our home and do this, that, and the other thing to them. Which would cost lots of money. And time! And on occasion (more so in the past than lately) I suddenly decide that I want to move. It doesn’t even really matter where, I just want a new house. I know, it’s weird. I get that!
I think part of what happens is that I get way too caught up in what everyone else is doing. And I blow it way out of proportion. And I get so greedy. I want what others have. I want more money to buy what others have! I want to be a better blogger and write better like so-and-so. And when I focus on wanting what others have and trying to make my home/blog be and look just like theirs, I get stuck. I focus on the fact that I’m not like these people I admire and I just freeze. I can’t design anything. And I can’t write a blog post to save my life! I get scared that if I do make a choice, it won’t be as good as whomever and that it’s not even worth trying.
And the pressure to try to crank out x number of blog posts a week or month just compounds my paralysis because I have nothing to post about because I haven’t done anything, so I freak out that I’m not posting enough! See, I need to get out of my head!
This is going to be a hard one for me, friends. I want to open up and not be so afraid.
I need to be more confident in who I am and the decisions I make. But also be more willing to take risks and not be scared that I might fail. I read something by Cortney Novogratz in a magazine today that really resonated with me. She said “Be different; take risks. It’s okay to fail and fail again when the end result is something special and unique.” I don’t need to be anyone other than myself. If I make mistakes along the way, that’s okay.
And if I stay true to myself, the result of me, my blog, my home will be special and unique.
Because I am!