On Friendship…


Hi guys!  I have been dealing with a bit of back pain the past few weeks and haven’t been able to paint as much as I would like to.  It has given me a lot of extra time to rest, but also time to think about my blog and the direction I want it to be going in.  I want my blog to be about more than just my furniture transformations.  Although I do love sharing them with you all and I am absolutely blessed by each and every one of my followers and all of the very kind comments, I want you to get to know me a little bit, too.  So I’ve decided that I will be sharing more about what I feel about daily life, obstacles, dreams, etc, when I feel it’s appropriate and I hope you enjoy it as much as my “business” posts.
So, here goes…
If you know me personally, you know I have a hard time making friends.  In fact, it’s probably pretty obvious the those who aren’t even that close to me…at least that’s how it often feels.  My husband and I have admitted to one another that we feel like we are socially awkward.  He is actually much better at talking to people than I am, but neither of us have a ton of friends.  Making friends just doesn’t come naturally to either of us.
I’m not trying to have a pity party, just explaining who I really am.  I have struggled with the fact that I don’t have many friends for a long time.  Like, ever since I was young.  I guess I have always felt that friendships should be more about quantity than quality.  I’ve never felt like I had “enough”.  I get lonely and wonder why I don’t have a phone full of contacts that I can call on to keep me company.  I have even, unintentionally, insulted my friends by stating that I “have no friends” right to their face!  Could I be any more rude?!  I’ve been stuck in this self-pity rut for as long as I can remember.
After I had my daughter, I joined a MOPS group.  One night we had a guest speaker talk to us about friendship.  She was an older lady who had many years of experience with friendships.   She shared something very interesting.  She told us that there are many different types of friendship and that your friends will fall into different categories.  You may have acquaintances that you see quite often, but you’d never share extremely personal information with.  Then there are the friends that you might only get together with once a year, but they are the ones that know you the best.  And yet another type of friend may be more of a family friend where you get together as whole families on occasion and the kids play together, but you never get together just as couples or individuals.
I guess I had always been under the impression that I had to have a lot of friends and that all of my friends had to fit into every category.  Well, this weekend, it really became clear to me that the speaker that night knew what she was talking about.
I have a best friend that I’ve known since we were five years old…that’s almost 25 years of friendship!  We lived just around the corner from each other growing up and became best friends right away after meeting at church.  We never went to the same school (except for a year of college), but we were constantly on the phone with each other and hung out as much as we possibly could! 
As we grew up, we naturally grew apart with moving out of our parents’ homes and getting married to our spouses.  For almost a year now, we’ve lived about 4 hours away from each other.  And I hate it.  I hate that neither of us visit each other as much as we should.  I hate that she’s not just around the corner anymore when I just need a hug or someone to sit with me and keep me company while my husband is working.  I hate that so much time goes by between getting to watch her children grow up.  I get jealous of her friends that live close to her and get to see her on a regular basis.  I hear songs we used to listen to growing up and I wish she were standing next to me singing along.  I have spent so much time focusing on the negative parts of our relationship, that I couldn’t see all of the great aspects.
This weekend I FINALLY got to see her again and it just made me so happy.  We both got sitters for our children for the weekend and we, along with our husbands, got to spend some quality time together.  It was perfect.  Her husband even commented something like “when the four of us get together, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been, we just pick up right where we left off.”  I couldn’t have agreed more!  My best friend and I, and now our husbands, have a relationship where we can be apart for months and months, finally see each other again, and feel like we were never apart.  It’s not awkward.  We’re never nervous or searching for things to say to each other.  It’s just “right”.
So, why have I been unhappy with this kind of relationship for so long?  Why have I been longing for some sort of “perfect friendship” all this time?  If I really stop to think about it, I’m pretty sure there are people in the world that don’t have amazing relationships like the one I have with my best friend.  I have been so blinded by my longing for a perfect friendship, that I haven’t been able to really appreciate what was given to me.  Someone that I might as well call a sister because we’re that close.
After an amazing weekend with my “bestie” with many “this is everything that’s right with the world” moments, I am choosing to appreciate what God has given me.  He has given me an amazingly loyal, strong, intelligent, compassionate, giving woman that I get to call my best friend.  How awesome is that?!  I am choosing to look at all we have and all that we have been through in the last almost 25 years in a better light.  Knowing that I’m blessed to have her and that this is the exact friendship we were meant to have.
I’m also choosing to recognize that not all friendships are made equal…but that doesn’t mean they are any better or worse than each other.  They are just different … and that’s okay.  Each friendship helps me not only appreciate that friendship, but also the uniqueness of all my other friendships.
And with that I want to say to my bestie, I love you, dear friend, please don’t ever forget that.  No matter what we go through, I will always be there for you!
Allison

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Comments

  1. says

    I moved to MO two years ago and I have a few friends here but I miss the ones I left in TX. I was standing at the sink today thinking about how I don’t have many friends here (except mom’s from my playgroup) and I feel lonely. I talk to my best friend in TX almost everyday but I would give anything to have her here, to go to lunch, to go on a walk, or to just be lazy and watch TV together. I’m okay with making friends but I agree with quality over quantity and I don’t want to become friends with someone just to have someone to hang out with. I love this post and what you said. You were so honest!

    • says

      Thanks so much for your comment, Helen. That’s great that you keep in touch with your best friend. I don’t talk on the phone much with mine, but we do a lot of facebook messaging! Thank goodness for technology, right?! ;)

      Allison

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